As a former foster youth, it can be hard to know what a healthy relationship looks like if you were never or rarely exposed to one as a child. You do not have to be embarrassed by this, instead, you can use this as an opportunity to learn and grow.
A healthy relationship is built on the foundation of trust, respect, and communication. These three pillars are the key to any successful relationship – whether it is a romantic partnership or a friendship. We’re going to unpack each of these areas and give some tips for nurturing them in your relationships. Trust is essential in any relationship because it allows you to feel safe and secure, knowing that your partner has your best interests at heart. Trust also allows you to be vulnerable without fear of judgment or criticism. To build trust in your relationships, it’s important to be honest with each other and follow through on promises you make. It’s also important to find ways to show that you value the relationship by spending quality time together and creating meaningful memories. Respect is another important aspect of any healthy relationship. Respect means valuing each other’s opinions, listening without judgment, showing empathy, and understanding when someone needs space. When respect exists in a relationship, both partners can express their true selves openly and honestly without fear of being judged or rejected. To nurture respect within a relationship, it’s important to take responsibility for mistakes instead of pointing fingers or making excuses. It’s also helpful to practice active listening by giving your full attention when someone speaks, even if you don’t agree with what they have to say. Communication is key for maintaining healthy relationships because it allows both partners to understand each other better and resolve conflicts peacefully. Good communication involves finding the right balance between talking about yourself and actively listening to the other person without interruption or distraction. To improve communication within relationships, try using “I statements” like “I feel…” rather than accusatory language like “You always…” This helps keep conversations productive instead of argumentative while allowing both partners an equal voice in expressing themselves. Relationships require effort from both parties in order to be successful and fulfilling over time – but if you focus on building trust, respect, and strong communication skills within your relationships, chances are they will stand the test of time! If you need help getting started on this journey towards healthier relationships, talking with an experienced therapist can be an excellent way to gain insight into how these principles apply specifically to your life and learn how best to implement them into your own partnerships! Fostering a child is a life-changing experience that comes with immense responsibility. One aspect of this commitment is understanding the unique challenges faced by a foster child and learning ways to best support their growth and well-being. An invaluable resource to guide you in this journey is "The Connected Child" by Dr. Karyn Purvis. In this blog post, we will delve into the key reasons why this book should be on every foster parent's reading list and how it can help build stronger connections with your foster child.
Understanding your foster child's journey Many foster children have experienced trauma, neglect, and abuse in their lives. It is essential for foster parents to comprehend the impact these experiences can have on the child's behavior and emotional well-being. Dr. Purvis, through her years of research and experience, offers insightful knowledge on how the past can shape a foster child's present, and how understanding this can empower you to support their healing process. Building trust-based connections Establishing trust is the cornerstone of a healthy, secure relationship between a foster parent and child. "The Connected Child" will guide you through the necessary steps to build trust-based connections effectively. Creating a safe space, providing consistent nurturing, and setting appropriate boundaries are some aspects touched upon in the book, helping you create an environment where your foster child can flourish. Strategies to address challenging behaviors Foster children, due to their trauma histories, may often exhibit challenging behaviors that can be difficult to manage. Dr. Purvis provides practical, effective techniques to help you better understand the root cause of these behaviors and ways to address them. By approaching challenges with empathy, while setting clear expectations, "The Connected Child" equips you with the tools to foster a positive environment in your home. Strengthening attachment and bonding For foster children to thrive, it's essential to form secure attachments with their caregivers. "The Connected Child" details the importance of establishing these attachments and provides practical advice on how to create stronger bonds. Through activities like shared storytime, intentional touch, and mindful conversations, foster parents can promote emotional closeness, ensuring a secure foundation for further development and resilience. Empowering your child for a brighter future The ultimate goal of foster parenting is to provide a nurturing, stable environment where children can overcome their pasts and reach their full potential. "The Connected Child" emphasizes the importance of empowering your foster child, supporting their self-esteem, and nurturing their unique talents. From enhancing communication skills to fostering connections with the larger community, Dr. Purvis outlines practices that set children up for long-term success and happiness. "The Connected Child" by Dr. Karyn Purvis is a must-read for foster parents seeking to understand, connect with, and support their foster children's growth and well-being. By addressing topics like trust-building, attachment, and dealing with challenging behaviors, this book provides invaluable guidance for foster parents as they embark on the rewarding journey of fostering a child. Adding this insightful resource to your personal library will not only empower you as a foster caregiver but will most importantly contribute to the bright future your foster child deserves. It is no secret that foster children go through a great deal of emotional upheaval in the first week after being placed in a new home. This upheaval can manifest itself in many ways, from withdrawing and isolating themselves to exhibiting disruptive behavior. It is important for foster parents to understand these emotions and be prepared to help foster children adjust to their new environment.
First Week Feelings These feelings can lead them to shut down emotionally or act out in an attempt to regain some control over their lives. As a foster parent, it is important for you to recognize this behavior as a symptom of grief and provide the necessary support your child needs during this difficult transition period.
Ways to Help Foster Children Adjust During the First Week in Placement The first week of a placement is often chaotic for everyone involved, but there are several things that you can do as a foster parent in order to help your foster child adjust more easily:
The first week after being placed in a new home can be an incredibly difficult time for any foster child—and understanding how these emotions manifest themselves is key for fostering successful relationships between caregivers and those in care. By recognizing their feelings, you can better equip yourself with the knowledge needed to provide emotional support for your newly-placed foster child during this challenging transition period. With patience, love, understanding, you can help your foster child find success in his or her forever home! Bringing a school-age or teen foster child into your home can be an exciting and rewarding experience. As a foster parent, it's important that you make your foster child feel comfortable in their new environment. That can be difficult given that you may know little about them before they come into your home, but with the right plan in place, it's feasible.
Being in foster care can be a traumatic experience. Even if you have or had amazing foster parents or never faced abuse... even if you were only in foster care for one week, you still underwent separation from your biological family and that is trauma. Many former foster youth report feeling overwhelmed, scared, and confused about their experiences. It is important to remember that it is normal to feel these emotions and that there are ways to cope with the trauma of foster care.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings The first step in coping with the trauma of foster care is to acknowledge your feelings. (If you need help figuring out what you're feeling, click here for a feeling wheel that I find helpful!) It’s important to recognize that you have experienced something difficult and that it’s okay for you to feel whatever emotions come up for you. When you can accept your feelings without judgement or criticism, it becomes easier to process them and work through them. 2. Identify People You Trust It can be incredibly helpful to reach out to people who you trust when dealing with trauma from foster care. These people could be biological or foster family members, friends, or professionals such as counselors or therapists (get a free week of virtual therapy with BetterHelp here). It is important to have a support system who will listen without judgement, who you feel safe around, and who can help guide you through your healing journey. Talking about your experiences can also help you gain insight into how your trauma may be impacting your life now so that you can start taking steps towards recovery. 3. Practice Self-Care Self-care is an important part of coping with the trauma of foster care. Taking time each day for activities like exercise, yoga, meditation, journaling, or connecting with nature can help reduce stress and anxiety levels while also promoting feelings of calmness and relaxation. Additionally, engaging in creative activities like drawing or painting can provide an outlet for self-expression while helping to manage difficult emotions like anger or sadness. Taking good care of yourself will allow you to better cope with the trauma of foster care and move forward on your healing journey. 4. Avoid Doing Things that Harm You Negative feelings, like those that stem from trauma, tend to make people do things that make them feel good in the moment but aren't good for them long-term. This includes eating disorders, addictions (like gambling, drugs, alcohol or sex), over-spending, and lacking healthy boundaries in relationships or work. If you are doing any of these things now, remind yourself that they may be hindering the real coping that needs to happen around your trauma. Make a plan -- with a counselor, if at all possible -- to stop. Moving forward, you can ask yourself, "does this help or hurt me?" and if the answer is hurt, you know now you don't need to participate in it. 5. Remind Yourself that You Deserve Love and Joy Find people who truly love you and have your best interests at heart and look for moments of true joy throughout your day. You may not have had love and joy growing up (which wasn't fair to you!), but don't let that make you believe you don't deserve it now. Say it now and if you need to, say it as a daily affirmation statement: "I deserve love and joy!" (But a note, don't let temporary happiness fool you for true joy.) The trauma from being in foster care can be overwhelming and scary but there are ways to cope and heal from these experiences. While your story is unique, interestingly, each of the things on this list are things even non-foster youth have a hard time with. So know, you are not alone in working through these things and it doesn't make you any less of a person because you aren't perfect at them. By acknowledging your feelings, reaching out for support from people who you trust, and practicing self-care activities like exercise, journaling, and creative expression -you will be able to take steps towards recovery from the trauma of foster care so that you can live a healthy life filled with love and joy! |
AuthorI'm a foster mom, bio mom, working mom, special needs mom, busy mom. I'm also married to my high school sweetheart, I'm a proud 23-year childhood cancer survivor, and I'm passionate about serving my community. More from FosterMamaArchives
March 2023
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